April 8, 2018
“Secure Your Oxygen Mask Before Helping Others”- every flight attended in the history of commercial airlines
All to often I hear women not doing anything for themselves because others rely on them. The Mom guilt is real. Human or fur mom. I have it. Others have it. We all have some version of shame or guilt whenever we want to do something for ourselves. But why? Why are our brains programmed to make us feel like dog poo for caring about ourselves?
Because we are women and women care too much. About everything. And that’s what makes us awesome. BUT... yes a big BUT.. in order for us to keep GIVING TO OTHERS, we must first GIVE TO OURSELVES. What? Noooo... it can’t be?? But how?? Listen up. I’ll share some things with you.
This past weekend, I held a workshop with a group of amazing women who wanted change. They took the first step to bettering their lives and their families lives by showing up and taking action. We talked about goals. Our goals. Women’s goals. Mom’s goals. Almost every woman said they felt some form of guilt for doing what they wanted. Shame. Guilt. Mom guilt. No energy after taking care of kids. Too busy with kids stuff. Too busy with work stuff. Too busy with life in general.
So I gave this analogy I heard that says “you must put your oxygen mask on before helping others”. Or “you must keep your cup full before filling others”. However else you want to put it. We must take care of US or there will be no more US to give! Have you ever been so tired and stressed that you literally just lose your mind?! Yell? Cuss? Scream? Oh yea. I’ve been there. Still do it something. I REALLY like to say God Damnit when I’m mad. And I use fuck to describe every fucking thing I fucking say.
Soooooo..... how do we stop this madness? Well you need to start by scheduling time yourself. Yep. Schedule it. I literally write in my Passion Planner. (available at passionplanner.com). I take 10 minutes everyday to mediate. I write in my journal every day for 10 minutes. I exercise everyday for AT LEAST 10 minutes. I make sure I DRINK MY EFFING WATER every damn day. I schedule massages. Date nights. Coffee dates with friends. Crossfit. Horseback riding. Ride my bicycle. Ride my motorcycle. Painf. Yoga. Run. Reading time. Bath time. Spray tans. Or whatever else I need to “fill my cup” back up. Find what works for you and do it.
This isn’t always pretty. Some days I have to call a friend/family or my coach for an extra boost of motivation to get off my ass. Some days I just sit and cry because I am overwhelmed. But instead of keeping it bottled up, I reach out and then do it. It’s not easy. It’s not. But you need to. YOU MUST ASK FOR HELP IF YOU NEED IT! This is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I’ve always been a hard ass and too tough to ask for help. I really struggle here. But let me tell ya, it’s so much easier to talk to someone rather than consuming myself by my bullshit negative thoughts.
Ever notice how when we are happy, everyone around us is happy? It’s not coincidence. It’s energy. You radiate positivite energy and others feel it. It makes them happy too. “Happy wife. Happy life.” When Mom is happy, everyone is happy. So let’s start by making a little time for ourselves. Doesn’t have to be a whole lot of time. Start with baby steps. You’ll feel better. Happier. You’ll find that you have more free time when you schedule out your day. You’ll find that you have more energy to get through your day. It’s amazing what a little self care can do. What are you waiting for? What’s stopping you? Try these few things to get started.
Here are a few things you can do today to starting caring for YOURSELF:
1) Go for a walk. Get out in nature. Even for 5 minutes.
2) Read a book. Something inspiring. Even for 5 minutes. Email me for recommendations.
3) Meditate. I use a few apps. Headspace and Simple Habit are my fave.
4) Take a bath. Candles. Wine. Relax.
5) Journal. Write all of your thoughts down. Getting it out on paper is a great emotional weight off your shoulders.
If you need help, ask. You don’t have to do it alone. Take care of YOU. You got this.
Breathe. Exhale. Enjoy.
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