How to be a Badass at Setting Healthy Boundaries in Your Personal, Professional and Family life.
Setting firm boundaries has been quite the experience for me. I am typically that gal that says YES to everyone and everything. But lately I am saying NO more often and it has never felt better!! I would like to share with you a few ways that I have set boundaries in my personal and professional life that have worked wonders for my sanity and my time freedom.
If you struggle to find time for the things that bring you joy, listen up! Here are 6 tips for YOU to start setting boundaries in your own life.
Learn to say no without feeling guilty.
This one was HARD! Still is sometimes. But I find that when I say NO to thing that don't feel good or things I don't really have time for, I am creating space for the things I truly enjoy. For example, if I say NO to an event that I don't really care to be at, then it would create space for me to enjoy my family that evening. I say no to any events that don't feel good, extra work that doesn't feel good, family favors that don't feel good, and anything else that doesn't feel good.
I know I am talking an awful lot about "feelings". I never used to be this way. Recently, I have found that when I listen to my "gut" about what I want to spend my time on, I feel so much happier and less guilty. Guilt is a tricking feeling. Most of the time we feel guilty for things we have no control over. I view guilt as wasted energy. I feel guilty that I can't help everyone all at the same time. Man, I wish I could! But to be honest, that would be exhausting and those people would get about 10% of what Sausha is capable of (which is hardly anything). But if I focus my attention on the things that feel good, I give my best effort every time. Try saying NO more often. Save your time and energy for things you enjoy instead of spreading yourself so thin.
Asking for what you want or need.
Nobody is going to willy-nilly hand you everything you need. If they do, send them my way. You have to be specific when asking for what you want or need. As much as I try to be a mind reader, I am not. Same goes for your spouse, boss, family member, children, etc. They cannot read your mind. How is your boss supposed to know you want a raise if you don't ask? How is your neighbor supposed to know you need help mowing your lawn if you don't ask? How is your spouse supposed to know you want a date night if you don't ask?
I would get so frustrated when my husband didn't read my mind about date nights. I'd say smart ass remarks like "wouldn't it be nice if I had a husband that actually took me out of dates" or something like that. I was being a dick. How the hell would he know I wanted a date night unless I specified my need for one? We ladies do this all the time. We expect people to know exactly what we want without saying a word. Or we are really wishy-washy about what we want.
I like to ask for what I want and need like I order my pizza. I will take a large pepperoni mushroom jalapeno deep dish please. Oh and a side of cheese sticks! I don't call Casey's Pizza and say I'll take a large pizza. When they ask me what kind? I'll say "oh I don't know, guess?". Then when I pick up the pizza I am pissed because lord knows I didn't want Canadian bacon pineapple!! Who eats that pizza anyways? HA! But really ladies, get specific on what you want or need and ASK FOR IT!
Taking care of yourself.
Nobody else is going to do this for you. The longer you wait, the harder it will get. When you take care of yourself, you feel better. No, self-care is not always pretty but it's seriously a necessity. Stop neglecting your health for the health of others! Here I go being morbid again, but honestly, IF YOU DIE who will take care of your family?????? NOT YOU BECAUSE YOU WILL BE DEAD! Ouch.... yea that sucks. Start taking care of yourself. Physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, financially. They are all tied together.
Drink half your body weight in ounces of water every day. Move your body 30 minutes every day. Find a solid support team. Find a tribe. Find a community you can share your goals with. Find something bigger than you that you can believe in. Invest in your future. Get life insurance. Start an IRA. Start that business you've been wanting. Start a savings account. Sell that shit you don't need. Spend time taking care of YOU and your needs.
When you take care of yourself, everything else falls into place. I like to give the analogy of filling a cup. When you fill your cup first, you have more to pour into others. It's really hard to pour from an empty cup!!
Standing strong in your core values and beliefs.
Stand up for what you believe in. This takes strength, courage, confidence. This is a hard skill especially in our Judgy McJudgerton society today! I see it all the time..... Women like you and me post these memes on social media about "stand up for what's right" and "be strong" and blah blah blah.... Real courage is when you are in a crowded room and that one person shares an opinion that you don't agree with.
Most people will cave and agree with that person for the sake of being too afraid to stand their ground, too afraid to be different. What if they stand out?? I say FUCK YES - STAND OUT! Stop being a follower. Start being YOU! That is your damn super power! Own it. I cannot stress this enough. If you believe something is wrong, STAND UP FOR YOUR VALUES! Great change did not happen in this world by women like you and me sitting on the sidelines. No, they stoop up for themselves and what they believed in. So can you.
Often times the thing we need to stand up for most in our life, is ourselves and our dreams. I see it all the time. We let our family, our spouse, our children, our coworkers, or someone on social media crush our dreams because they aren't dreaming as BIG as we are. Don't let their small minds keep you small. You matter. You are enough. You were MADE FOR MORE as the brilliant Rachel Hollis would say. I am on YOUR SIDE cheering you on sister! You can do it! I got your back.
Taking responsibility for your happiness only and not others.
The sooner you realize this, the happier you will be. You have absolutely no control over anyone else's happiness but your own. I have come to find that when I am happier those around me are happier. When I focus on my happiness, it naturally gravitates towards others. It is like this big massive happiness vortex surrounding me and pulling people in as I walk by. Are you in my happiness vortex? If not, GET IN HERE! What are you waiting for? Life is so much better in the vortex of your own happiness and reality as Abraham Hicks would say.
But really, you cannot focus your time and energy on making others happy because you will only make yourself more miserable. It's true. When you force happiness upon others, you are miserable. When you are miserable, you are no good to anyone including yourself.
Take pride in your happiness. It is YOUR responsibility to find what makes you happy and do those things. Sometimes helping others makes me happy. Ok I lied, helping others ALWAYS makes me happy. But I do it on my own terms, I set firm boundaries on who I can help and who I cannot help. I don't beat myself up if I can't help them because let's be honest, not everyone is willing or able to be helped. They have to figure that out for themselves.
Knowing who you are and what you like.
Who are you? What do you do for fun? Is this an easy question or do you have difficulty answering this question? Or are you quick to rattly off a basic answer because you put little to no thought behind it.
Let me guess..... I am a mom, wife, and I work full time at XYZ company and I enjoy family time. (or fur mom, girlfriend, spouse)
Was I close? Pretty generic? Either way, you based WHO YOU ARE on someone or something else most likely. You probably didn't use any adjectives to describe yourself either. You say family time if your hobby but what do you do? Sit and watch TV all day?
Shall we try this again and use a little more UMPH behind it?
How about....... Hi! My name is Sausha Davis and I am a BADASS mofo out to change the world! I do this through my online coaching program helping women be confident badasses in their personal, professional, and family life. I am a kick ass mom and wife to a beautiful sassy baby girl and a very supportive husband. I have 5 dogs, 4 horses, and a cat. I live on a small acreage in Northwest Iowa. I love outdoor activities! I am an adrenaline and personal development junkie. If its exciting I've done it. If it enhances my life in some way, I have done it. Or they are on my to-do list.
Now you try it? Who are you and what do you do? Own it. Be proud of who are you, where you came from, what you do, and what you like!!! And if you don't know then go do some soul-searching. Take nature walks, go to yoga, go to a retreat, take a vacation, meditate, journal, do whatever your soul is craving!!!
Alright ladies, I think I have rattled your brains enough for the day. I want to thank you SO MUCH for reading this post. It truly means the world to me. I love watching women break out of their shells and dream big. Remember, you are worth it! You are enough! You don't need permission to live the life you crave! You can do ANYTHING you set your mind to. I honestly believe we can all thrive together!
Until next time, if you're going to be anything, be a BADASS!
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