Society Says So ....
I’m going to just go out there and say it…. I am so fucking sick and tired of society making us feel like we must look and act a certain way. I am LOVING the real movement I am seeing on Social Media lately but there is still a lot of people body shaming, mom shaming, success shaming, career shaming and everything else. Honestly, it makes me so sad. I’ve always been one to questions why things are the way they are, and I don’t easily accept things that I don’t agree with.
So let’s take a step back. I have quite a few of these stories that I grew up with but somehow I managed to push past them. It wasn’t easy, but I did it….
#1. “When parents get divorced, the kids always go live with the mother because she is most fit. Kids can’t live without their mothers.” Want to know something? I was raised MOSTLY by my dad. Yes, a man raised two teenage daughters and somehow survived it. I’m not quite sure how none of us killed each other, although we came close a few times. I never got along with my mother.
After my parents split, we bounced around from house to house about every 6 months, going to a new school. It was exhausting. I know my mom tried the best she could, but I hated living in the Minneapolis suburbs. I’ve always been a country girl. I need my space. I need my quiet mornings, beautiful sunrises and sunsets, countless stars in the sky and no neighbors. I want to walk around naked outside if I damn well please! Ok so I do have one neighbor now and I’m sure they’ve seen more than they bargained for but oh well!
I see this lie all over. I know some big companies are trying to change it but it’s in the Average Joe mindset. We need stop projecting our beliefs and insecurities onto others. We need to give the good dads credit for how hard they have worked. I’m sure it wasn’t easy being a single father in the late 90s early 2000s raising two girls, especially when that was not common. He fought over and over and always got the shit end of the stick. But he never gave up. That’s where I think I get my grit and determination, from my father. We’ve been though some rough spots and always came out on the other side. We know how to do hard things. Dads can take care of their children and they can do it alone. I am proof.
#2. “You have to go to college to get a good desk job.” Who the hell made up this rule and why? Why is college so damn expensive? I remember being pressured into going to college because it was the “right thing to do” not knowing that I would still be $70k in debt from student loans, mind you I graduated in 2012. Yea… not cool. I get that some jobs require schooling but by making students take out ridiculous amounts of loans to pay for it is crazy to me. Especially since the public schools teach us nothing about credit, debt, loans, financing, or anything to do with money in the real world.
Debt and loans to me wasn’t real. You my as well have given me monopoly money. I had no clue how the system worked. I learned the hard way. Maybe this was just my experience. Maybe I didn’t take the right classes or maybe I just wasn’t paying attention. Either way, I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels this way and I LOVE LEARNING!
I’m not a doctor, scientist or anything fancy but I do think there has to be another way. Educating high schoolers on the amount of money it costs to invest in school is crucial. Also, expanding our career options would have been helpful too! I felt like I HAD to go to college, be in debt, try to find a good corporate job, hate my life, go to sleep, wake up and repeat. And that was my life up until a couple years ago. I checked every box I was supposed to check but I was still in debt up to my eyeballs and miserable.
I hated everything about my work and myself. It started to affect my health and my family. I drank and smoked all the time. It was my go-to stress reliever. It was time for a change, but I had to educate myself because apparently this stuff isn’t common knowledge. Or maybe it is and I’m just really behind the times. Either way, lesson learned. Do you research before you make big decisions and you DO NOT have to follow the crowd. The scenic route is more fun and abundant anyway!
Lie #3. “Marry a rich guy.” Ummmmm excuse me? Say that again? How about I can make my own damn money and I don’t need a rich guy to make money for me. How about I have a brain and I know how to use it. How about I can do anything a man can do including peeing standing up!? Yea, how about that? It’s not as pretty but I certainly can do it. But really, how many of you are guilty for saying this? How many of you have had someone else say it to you? Why are we conditioning little girls and young women that to make money, they must marry a rich man. We are setting them up for failure from day one. This drives me insane.
My dad always taught me not to rely on a man which is ironic since I relied on a man most of my childhood because he was a single father. But he knew better. He was ahead of the game. From a very young age, he told me I could do anything I set my mind too. I think he probably regrets that now because I have some pretty wild idea but I always make shit happen in my life. As soon as I decide on a goal, I make it happen. I don’t wait for a man to come around and give me money or give me permission to live my life.
I have talked to TONS of women over the past couple years and that’s one of the number one excuses I get for not investing in themselves. “My husband won’t let me. He runs the finances.” I want to say “does he wipe your ass for you too? Does he give you a weekly allowance if you clean the house?” Come on ladies! What in the actual fuck is going on??? Yes, it is OK to budget together and come up with a plan. But don’t sit there and tell me your husband does whatever he wants but you must ask for permission… Sounds like you have some self-worth and confidence issues. (I know someone who helps with that 😉 ) .
Just know that you DO NOT need a rich man to make your dreams a reality. You just need the grit and determination to not take no for an answer. You need to decide TODAY that you will succeed no matter what. No matter if your spouse supports you or not, which is an entirely different topic to be discussed another time.
Lie #4. “You have to be skinny to be pretty.” Now I am not obsess by any means but I have struggled with weight and appearance my entire life. I would pop caffeine pills and Adderall like candy when I was younger so I didn’t have the urge to eat. I hated my hair. It was too yellow and too short. I wanted long platinum blonde hair. My eyebrows are uneven. My nose has a giant bump on it. My earlobes are attached to my head making it hard to wear earing. My upper lip has hair on it.. gross. My lips are too thin. My teeth are STILL not straight and now my mouth/smile is small because of how they pulled my teeth and did my retainer. I still don’t like my smile. I have a cleft chin or as I call it a “butt chin” where I can blow my nose and wipe my ass at the same time! Not funny? Lol…. I laughed.
Lets see what else….. I have a giant mole on my neck that I absolutely hate. I have a massive birth mark on my back that looks like a hickey. Oh that was fun in high school. I tried to pierce my belly button not once, but three times and apparently my body hates piercings so now I have this huge ugly scar on my belly button. I have cellulite. I have acne. I have rolls. I have hair in places hair shouldn’t be. I always hated the way I looked. I would pile on makeup and try to wear nice clothes fishing for compliments. I usually got them but the joy would last temporarily before I would convince myself they just pitied me and didn’t really mean it.
I thought I needed to be 5’6, 120lbs, clear skins, perfect smile, big tits and ass, and a size 7 shoe. Is that person even real? I have no idea. But that’s what I was trying to be. One of the biggest lessons I learned over the past few years of my health, fitness and self-love journey is to love the skin I am in. I work out because I love my body, not because I hate it or want it to look a certain way. I want to treat it well so it lasts me a long time. I no longer starve myself or go on crash diets to get a certain weight. Instead, I fuel my body with nutrition because again… it makes me feel good and I want to live a long time. You wouldn’t be super unleaded in your new motorcycle, right? No, you would use premium. So that’s what I am doing. I work out and eat well because I love my body. I indulge some days because I deserve it and I can. I still live life the way I want to but its more in alignment with how I want to feel which has really been a game changer for me. I love teaching people about this stuff.
Listen guys, not every day is perfect but I keep showing up and doing the best I can with what I have. I have learned NOT to accept what society thinks I need to be but how I want to be and how I want to feel. I have learned that diversity is a beautiful thing. I have learned to love myself for who I am, past and present. I have taught myself to stop giving up on myself and to push through any tough time I may be having.
I was made to do hard things. I was made to show others they can do hard things. I was born to stand out and make a difference for those who can’t stand. I was made to be loud so that not only is my voice heard, but it is loud enough to shout for the others who have lost their voice. My skin is so thick not only because I have taken several blows, but I also take the beating for others who cannot stand another punch. I am here to hold space for you, to help you learn, to help you grow, and to let you know that you too can do hard things. You were made to be the best you that you can be. You are here for a reason. Let’s find out what that reason is together.
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