One of the things that I’ve come to understand over this last decade is that people are scared sh*tless .... of everything. People are terrified, and I really can’t wrap my head around it. As a mentor I am always trying to connect the dots for my clients to help them figure out why they are scared of doing certain things. I help them to figure out their limited beliefs and the thoughts they have that are holding them back from doing what they want to do.
I find that I’m unique in this sense. When I feel fear or sense it in others, I get curious. I want to figure out what’s really behind it.
Honestly, I numbed myself for so long when I was younger. I just couldn’t express emotion. I shoved everything deep down and covered it up by drinking and doing a bunch of dumb sh*t. I did everything I could to numb the pain.
Now, I find that I almost enjoy feeling those feelings. Well, I don’t want to say that I ENJOY them exactly, but anytime something uncomfortable comes up I think, “Ooooo what am I going to learn from this?!” It’s almost like I crave it. And maybe that’s the adrenaline junkie side of me.
I find that most people are just terrified of f**king everything. People are living in fear and then they wonder why this manifests in their lives as disease, illness, anxiety, or depression.
It’s because they’re not allowing their emotions to freely move through them, and also because they’re letting their emotions hold them back from truly experiencing life. Ask yourself, “Do I feel alive in this moment? If not, when did I last truly feel alive?”
When we were asked this same question earlier this year at a conference, most of the women there said that they last felt alive when they were giving birth. Isn’t that crazy? I’m not saying that you shouldn’t feel alive in that situation, but what would it feel like to feel alive more often?
How amazing would it be if you felt alive EVERY DAY? Just asking that gives me goosebumps, which in itself makes me feel alive.
Here are some fears that I hear a lot: not having enough time on this Earth, losing a loved one, losing money, and worrying about what other people think. Perhaps the biggest fear I hear is the fear of failure, and to that I just have to say that if you’re not failing every now and then you’re not truly living!
One of my mentors shared a podcast with me the other day and she said, “This dude reminds me of you.” I checked it out and decided that the guy was my freaking spirit animal. I loved everything he was saying because he just didn’t give a sh*t. He just went out there and tried a bunch of different things. Did he ever fail? Of course he did! But he never quit - he just pivoted.
And that’s what life is about. It’s about trial and error and throwing things at the wall to see what sticks. Some people are just so scared to try things though, and I’m like “Why?!”
Honestly, everybody is so wrapped up in their own lives that they’re not paying attention to what you’re doing. And if they are paying attention, they have some serious sh*t going on in their heads because they’re obviously caring too much about other people’s lives and that’s not healthy for them.
I want to ask you, what are you too scared to try? And then ask yourself, what if this was life or death? What would I choose? What do you want to say to yourself when you’re 85 years old - are you going to look back and wish you would’ve lived more and taken more risks?
Don’t you want to live your life with no regrets? I know I say this stuff all the time, but sometimes people need to hear things multiple times before it sinks in.
One thing that helps me is to think of myself as a Sims character. You know the game The Sims, right? If you do you’ll know what I mean haha. I think of myself as this character in a simulation game and think, “What is this character’s next step?” It might sound silly, but it does help to take this bird’s eye view of my life. This way, I can remove myself from my ego that is always coming up with stories as to why I can’t do things.
The stories that our egos tell us - that we’re not good enough, that we can’t do something, that we should be doing this or that instead - they’re just stories. They’re never even true! Hearing this may feel like a punch in the gut, especially if you’ve been telling yourself the same false story for years, but it’s true.
And life does happen. Bad things do happen. Along the way, we’re going to lose loved ones in our lives. And it sucks, but we get through it. Taking a step back and focusing on the bigger picture of our lives helps with this too.
It also helps to remove yourself from the immediate now. In fact, now is already past. So don’t dwell there. I like to think a little bit in the future. Not so far into the future that I cause myself undue anxiety, but I think of the next few steps that I need to take in my life. Then I have a clear view of what I need to do next in order to keep moving forward towards my goals.
This is where a mentor comes in handy. A mentor can call you out on your sh*t and point out the false stories that you are telling yourself. It’s ok to ask for this support in your life - in fact, it’s SO HELPFUL!
Life is meant to be experienced. It is meant to be lived. It is not meant to be the same sh*t over and over and over and over again. That’s when you get bored and complacent. That’s when you lose your passion, your fire, your spark inside of you that craves change and adventure.
Think about it. What do you want in your life? And what do you need to do in order to get it? What fears do you need to overcome to get there? Who can you ask for support?
Don’t be scared. Take some chances. Life is worth living. What’s the worst that could happen?
The Sausha Davis Podcast Episode 184: Don’t Be Afraid to Take Risks and Stand Up for What You Believe In